Hey! Where’s My Soulmate?!

I hear that question pretty often.  And, yes, I often can answer it, especially if Cupid throws me a bone, that is to say, if it’s God’s will that I receive the information. There are a few spreads that can help to clarify love relationships.  The very cleverly named “Soulmate reading” or the “Karmic Connection” are good places to start. They help to shed light on some of the patterns and obstacles we might face in trying to find a partner.

Before going too far into technical details, it might be helpful to consider some of the possible options for the spiritual levels of romantic relationships.  The question of love, where to find it, when to find, and who to find it with comes up again and again in client readings.  It is possibly the most common subject people want to discuss with me, regardless of whether the client is 18, 81, a man, a woman, rich, poor, . . . well, you get the idea. All of us, except the very most independent, ruggedly individualistic, or anti-establishment people in our midst, have wondered about affairs of the heart. Our more optimistic, “Kumbaya,” spiritually-oriented friends remind us that “Our soulmate is out there, because nothing is lost in the eyes of God,” and we just have to wait for everything to come to fruition, after all, “a human lifetime is only a blink of the eye of God.” (By the way, despite all the higher consciousness stuff, they get lonely, and even horny, sometimes, too.) My other favorite piece of advice is that maybe it’s just not meant to be in this lifetime, and I’ll have children and get married in the next lifetime. (This was from a woman with three children, who was on her 4th marriage, so I have to wonder how much she knew about living decades of your life alone, trying to create a family and getting nowhere.)

The when, why, how, and who of love are of great concern for many of us who wish that God would hurry up because we have careers to plan, dream weddings to organize, babies to have, and happily-ever-after to design, and we aren’t getting any younger, dammit! The frustration can lead even the most optimistic lonely heart to get snarky and display cheeky posters with statements such as my personal favorite from www.ephemera-inc.com: “Soulmate sounds like something Satan puts in his coffee.”  Griping can help to blow off some steam. Who wouldn’t get fed up with their love life from time to time?  Who hasn’t wanted to throw their beloved Snuggwy-Bunny, Pookie, or Luv-bug out the window from time to time, followed by two footlockers full of their favorite crap and all their high school sports trophies?

The term “soulmate” gets thrown around a lot, but people use it in many different ways, ranging from the pretty mundane to the cosmic. Here are the ones I have encountered while reading about love in everything from New Age books to the Bible to philosophers to sociologists to psychologists.

The first idea is that of the perfect match for us in this lifetime.  It does not stretch into past lives.  People use this term to mean a happy marriage.  They exaggerate to the extent that they want to create a deeper connection than just one that is built in this lifetime.  It feels cosmic and spiritual, so they use the term; although they have only known their partner from this lifetime. With this belief comes the idea that there is only one match for us, and part of the idea is that if you miss that person, then you are out of luck for the rest of your life.  As best I can tell from experience and from working with clients, there are many possible good matches out there for us.  It really comes down to what kind of life we want to live and how we want to relate to another person. If you fear you have missed your “soulmate,” don’t worry, another good person, another potential mate, with a kind heart and a nice ass, will turn up when you are ready.

Next, there’s the idea of someone who has incarnated with us many times, with whom we have a strong tie, a “fellow traveler” if you will, whom we recognize as a long lost friend on some level, and with whom we feel a strong connection. This phenomenon is the source of the notion of “love at first sight” in its mildly familiar form, because you and your friend from a past life plan how and when you will meet and what you will be “wearing” at the time. (This goes something like, “You’ll recognize me because I will be the girl with 60s retro glasses and wildly curly ash-blonde hair, and you will be the chubby redhead with the spiky hair and the broad shoulders.”) These are the people who feel like family or old friends from the very first time we meet them.  According to people who share this view, like Michael Newton, Ph.D. or Charles Richards, Ph.D., people with this relationship may be part of the same soul group “family” or may have incarnated with each other many times in the past. In a sense, we already have a long-term relationship with these people, because we have known each other for several lifetimes, even though we only met them in this body a few minutes ago. This works with both platonic and romantic relationships.  I have heard other intuitive readers use the term “soulmate” to refer to this type of relationship.  In truth, we will meet many people who are in this category throughout the course of our lives, because we have met thousands and thousands of people during our past lives, any of whom could appear right now in 2015 at any moment.

The third type of “soulmate” describes someone from the previous group who is supposed to be one of your major relationships in this lifetime.  This connection can feel very intense, possibly with a feeling of “love at first sight” that is something akin to being struck by lightning. You could also possibly have a very strong “type” that you are always attracted to who always turns your head when you first walk into the room.  (Do gap-toothed red heads drive you wild?  Is it Englishmen with green eyes and brown hair? Do you love ladies with dreadlocks? If many of us think about it, we can probably come up with the particulars of our own “type.”) Freud tells us that sexual attraction is based on our desire to be close to one of our parents, which seems to be a plausible explanation if the type is similar to your actual parent.  He also reminds us that things we experience as children can be powerful influences on adult feelings and behavior. However, what if the type you like bears no resemblance either physically or psychologically to your family members or to the people you knew as a child?  Where could such a strong attraction come from, and what shapes it? Regardless of the source, these can be the relationships where people knew each other for a week, then astonished everyone by getting married immediately, then continually astounded people with the next 30 years of their wedded bliss. The combination of a past life connection and a pre-programmed physical attraction to the other person can exert a huge influence on us, but if the relationship is not working or causes problems in our lives, it can be extremely difficult to turn away from that pull. This type of connection can be the source of unhealthy relationships that we find almost impossible to shake no matter how much therapy, self-criticism, or moral pep-talks we throw at ourselves. These are the relationships that make people wonder “How can he let her treat him like that?  He’s so level headed otherwise.” It’s because there is more going on than we can see from the history in this lifetime.

The last and most cosmic type is the eternal soul mate. (Insert thunder and lightning here!!) According to this view, the soul is split into two halves and our partner is actually someone that we can reunite with and with whom we spend a lot of time on the other side.  This idea is laid out in detail by Sylvia Browne, who explains that basically any of the three previous versions of the soul mate are not actually the true soul mate, who seldom incarnates at the same time we do.  Usually, he or she is at home on the other side waiting for us to complete our lifetime here on earth, almost as if we have gone to Maine to attend a special camp, and our partner is waiting until we get back. For the vast majority of the time, we have people we are attracted to, people we love, even people we have incarnated with before, but they are not truly the other half of us, just people who mean a lot to us and for whom we feel a great deal.

Any of these types of relationships are a blessing and help us in our own spiritual progress, and we should not be overly hung up on the title we assign to someone. Are they your soulmate or not? It doesn’t matter, it only matters that there is the connection between you. Love, when it is experienced in its most sincere and selfless form ultimately helps us to progress on our path through life.  As it is written in 1 John 4:7, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”

If you would like to find out more about the role of love in your own life, I will be happy to schedule an appointment for a Soulmate or Karmic reading.  Please drop me a line at zhenyatarot@gmail.com or Zhenya Tarot Consulting on FB.

Photo Credit Gurbz

Dalai Lama Boy